The Five Films of Basil Karlo
by Rhijana
Summary: In a hypothetical scenario with little relation to the actual canon, Basil Karlo takes on roles not just in front of the camera, but behind it. The results are just about as good as you'd expect.


Basil Karlo didn't have a younger sister, but he did have a great-aunt he saw infrequently. Georgina Karlo was the sort of person who would pilfer napkins from fast food places in order to save on buying kleenex, and as a result of this frugality and some clever investments she left her great-nephew with a decent nest egg when she passed away. Basil could think of no greater use for his great-aunt's money than to further his acting career, and after some bribing attempts failed to pan out he opened up Karlo Kreations.

Karlo Kreations ultimately produced five films.

* * *

DR. LANGSTROM AND MAN-BAT  
Described on the VHS package as a "riveting, psychological thriller," _Dr. Langstrom and Man-Bat_ starred Basil Karlo as both doctor and bat. It was the highest budget film Karlo Kreations ever produced. (Although it was fairly obvious that most of that budget hadn't gone towards the Man-Bat costume.) Unfortunately for the company, the film made back less than a quarter of its budget. Despite this thousands upon thousands of people saw the film's climax online, and so got to witness Basil Karlo thrashing about, wearing half a Man-Bat costume and screaming about his bloodthirst. Said people included Dr. Langstrom himself, who wasn't particularly amused.

PENGUIN  
In contrast to its predecessor, _Penguin_ was described by Mr. Karlo as being a "modern day fairytale." Mr. Karlo himself starred as the Penguin, an "ancient Eskimo god" who is awoken from his slumber due to the effects of global warming. Forced to choose between his duty of destroying Gotham as punishment for mortal hubris and his love for a suspiciously young-looking female scientist, the Penguin spent most of the film soliloquizing about his problems until the actual Penguin got bored and decided to watch something else. Audiences everywhere had a similar reaction, and once again Karlo Kreations's film failed to make back even half its budget.

THE RIDDLER UNRIDDLED  
The first sign that the Riddlemen had that something had gone horribly wrong (besides the Karlo Kreations logo) was when the film opened up on a children's game-show. "It is here that young Reginald Iddle," Basil Karlo narrated, "Will take the first step to becoming the notorious criminal: THE RIDDLER!" Nevertheless the Riddlemen soldiered on, until the scene where a grown-up Reginald Iddle (played by Basil Karlo) stated that h2o was the formula for the sulfuric acid he was going to kill Yulena with. At that point they took to IMDB and flooded the film with scathing reviews, citing the film's numerous inaccuracies, terrible actors, laughable special effects, and complete failure to include any henchmen in it.

MR. FREEZING  
By then Georgina Karlo's inheritance had dwindled considerably, thanks in part to the lawsuits Karlo Kreations had been hit with. In an attempt to preclude any further legal problems, Basil wrote in numerous changes to the names and the plot at the last minute. He also decided to save on money for props, costuming, and actors by reusing everything from his previous films and playing all the lead roles himself. The ensuing incoherent mess was only ever watched in its entirety by one person, a Miss Nora Fields. In fact, she watched it twice. She hadn't really enjoyed it, as she'd tried explaining to her counselor, it was just that… it had reminded her of someone.

JOKESTER  
The last film that Karlo Kreations would ever produce, _Jokester _was interrupted partway through production by the "Jokester" himself, who decided that Basil Karlo was desperately in need of a creative consultant. Although Joker succeeded in gassing everyone involved and filming a hypnotism scene, the production was halted by the Batman arriving and throwing Joker back into Arkham. Afterwards, rumors began to circulate Gotham about how the Joker's henchmen had tracked down the footage and anonymously distributed it to rental stores across the city, but the truth is that the only complete copy of the film remains wedged between a giant green hourglass and a shelf of razor sharp playing cards.

Dick still hasn't managed to convince Bruce that they should watch it.


End file.
